Not to disappear

27. července 2017 v 22:34 | Ovca
You meet the right person. You know you should try it with him. For those few days which you're together, everything's wonderful.

"So how did you guys meet each other? Let me guess."
The bar lights we were sitting in were shaking and both of us looked one another deeply in the eyes before answering.
Nor it was Tinder or being introduced by any mutual friends. We met randomly. I, little sheep, was supposed to go a different rooftop with a friend of mine and he wanted to go clubbing with a bunch of his friends. Yet me and my friend decided to opt for a different place and he was not allowed to enter the club because of inapropiate dresscode.
"Ok, I know, I know! You met her on the street and asked for her Facebook!!"
The tiny club was the place to meet. After my friend found another company and I got bored by drinking and dancing with random guys, I sat for a while and picked him.
"She came to me with that smile and danced next to me." I thought you're there with the Indian guy. "...she was sneaky." He laughed... "Then we danced and she invited me for a beer and we kissed." You were unbuttoning my shirt all the time.
The lights in the bar became softer suddenly. We clinked our cups with the bartender and she winked at me in that I-know-what-you-did-girl way.
... And you were showing your middle finger to your friend and shouting at him and I was like geez, who is this little weird girl. ... And you got off the taxi and asked me 'how much do I owe you' without even looking at me.
"...what about your boyfriend?" The bartender asked me before.
What did you want do to at the toilet with me that night?
"He's not my boyfriend."
"Oh ok, but you're on a date, aren't you?"
"Yes, we are." He answered in that very soft voice of him.

So we spent wonderful three days together at first. Then after I came back, another three. Six in total. It was intense.

Hey~ let me know if you want to meet up and visit some places in the city today.
I refused him at first. And then refused him the second time. Then he took me and a couple of my friends for a trip. I was not really interested before getting into his car. Neither on the way to our destination. However, at the destination spot, something changed and when my friend went to pee, I ended up kissing this guy. And so we kissed many times that day, held hands and walked around the little town. We tried the fish massage there, I remember him being afraid of the fish, with that innocent look in his face, so I had to hold his hand to support him. It was a date day, well spent.
... Then a whisky at his apartment, still with my friend. Who left soon. So I stayed overnight and woke up shoulder to shoulder with this man.
And I did want to leave, so after breakfast he drove me back to my accomodation.
... And he didn't make it back on time so I simply left by overnight train heading to the mountains. He texted me how he likes me. And the next day, I was still travelling and he called me. And invited me back, told me to postpone my flight and come to the city and date him.
I spent three days in the mountains with his daily texts. He even called again, with my friend answering the call. He couldn't distinguish it was not me so he kept on talking. And afterwards she told him she is going to the city, he was suprised and relieved still thinking it was me who he kept talking to.
I knew I had to see him again before I leave.
I changed my travel plan a bit and after spending one day alone in the south I flew back to the city.
He waited for me at the airport. When you came and I asked you 'How are you, darling?' you just said 'Good.' even without giving me a kiss.
After I left my things at his place, we went for dinner. He ordered some delicious spicy food. He almost started crying from all the spice, me completely okay, he said I'm like one of his friends. So he told me his story, a little bit sad, a little bit broken which yet proven him to be a strong independent man. I'd say these little fragments he uncovered amazed me about him and made me to...
So we smoked a cigarette after the story time, the smoke completely fitted the situation.
We walked back home and woke up the next morning to a new bright day. Probably it was he smell of his skin that gave me the feeling of home or perhaps the fact he held me so gently in his bed.
Lazily we got up and went for a walk around the city. Just wandering around. Fleetly kissing in the subway, holding hands outside.
The place he promised to show me was amazing. I was thrilled. Afterwards we went to different places, talking about everything and pretending to be dating. Well, actually, it was a date. After fancy dinner, we went for a rooftop. Could be such a romantic moment if we wouldn't have talked about his exes. Then, after unsuccessfully searching for another bar we took a funny ride around the neighborhoods.
And so we ended up in a bar, sitting there (I guess) like a couple.
"So how did you guys meet each other? Let me guess."
And you know how the rest of the night went. Afterwards, and after him peeing on the street (what did such a gentleman do), we returned home. And the next morning none of us wanted to get up. After getting up from bed at 2 pm, we went for coffee (I insisted on this), where we talked again. It's weird to watch porn with your friends. We talked for another couple of hours, went for dinner afterwards. Spicy food again, this time it made me blow my nose. Finally. He laughed. My flight was announced to be delayed, but we almost didn't make it to the airport even for this new delayed time. Both of us wanted to make the most of the limited period of time we had together. He was holding my hand the whole time while driving me to the airport. We kissed at the crossroads, when the traffic lights were red.
The farewell at the airport was not any special. General thanking, hugging, me running to catch my flight. Fortunately the delay was even longer.
Then I left the city but we kept texting the whole night and also the next day. He even called me the next day.
And he sent me this sweet message saying that if I still were in city, he'd start dating me.
And then I left his country.
And we texted all over my journey back home.
And we sent one another pictures of what we are doing, sharing our moments together. Being on different continents.
And I finally reached home and we texted and he called me every day.
And I missed him a lot. And he missed me too. We miss each other at the point of me writing this.
And I told him I kind of fell for him in the city. He kept silent. He told me about his feelings before, which he used to have towards one of his exes, how she behave not in a right way and how he felt broken. And then about his other ex, he didn't mention feelings, but the girl told him that if she didn't left the country she wouldn't have dated anyone else. And yeah, it might be just a selfish assumption but I think he kind of turned off his feelings because of that first girlfriend. And when there is such a fresh romance, he wants to keep them turned off. That's why he kept silent. Because otherwise I can't explain why he keeps texting, sending me pictures of his life and calling if he isn't interested.
Since I told him about my feelings he didn't call for a few days. Then he did again.
And I can feel this ache in my chest, how much I miss him and the wondering about what would happen if I wouldn't have to leave his country is coming back to my head on daily basis.
What ifs are such a cliché. I really fell for this guy.
A good friend of mine told me, it's because it was so short yet so intense that I love him yet I don't at the same time because I don't know him that much. And it's true.
The time will show what the future brings. I hope we will meet again, at whatever continent, although hopefully not too far in the future.
And I know the only thing that is left here for us is to continue on our lives in our countries. And that probably until I find someone for whom I will have the same or at least similar feelings I will feel this kind of sad melancholy. It is okay. That's life and I am thankful for the very few precious moments which we had together with him in person.

Hello. How are you, darling?
Next time, at the airport or wherever I will wrap my arms around him, look him in the eyes, smile and say "I am very great, Mr., happy to be seeing you again! I missed you. Now let's enjoy the moments which we have this time." And I will kiss him, slowly and passionately.
Until the next time!

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