Time capsule

3. prosince 2017 v 21:33 | Ovca
You walk in circles.
At the beginning the circles are huge and the ride around takes so long you don't even notice you're passing by the same places. Gradually, the circles are becoming smaller and smaller. You go on without noticing.
But suddenly you're running out of space. You have no air to breathe. As you're trying to emerge from the water, the surface is receding and the light disappearing.
You're suffocating.
Does it hurt?
***
I feel empty. Emotionally empty.
You could slap me and I wouldn't care.
But I also feel relished on the other hand.
Too tightly attached to the past?
Yet looking to the future and seeking for new oppurtunities.
Also feeling like there's no time.
Although there's plenty.

Memories coming back to my head, so I'm chasing them and I'm staying in touch with people on the other side of world. Going out, drinking beer, texting on my phone rather than talking to the people here, not living in the moment?
That's always been my problem.
Chasing memories.
Chasing goose gumps.
Keeping nice experiences in my head.
I am a thinker, yes.
Also being irresponsible from time to time.
Hopefully wisdom comes with age.

What else is here to say?
Sometimes I feel drained. Like I am seeking for somebody too much that I can't find him. And the moment I stop searching and start enjoying and living, he appears.
It's somewhere there in the back of your head.

It's like a time capsule. You try to preserve it. Keep it. So you're saving it as long as possible. Building those air castles in your head. Can this time capsule crash at some point? Can the memories fade away?
Gradually, they will fade away. Maybe not all of them. Not all the people. Some of them. Important ones?

Unaswered questions.
Feeling lost, sheepy?

I'd just like to be happy.
Explore.
Make people close to my heart happy.
And have a shoulder to put my head on.

Is it a never-ending chase?
Am I running inside the loops of a time capsule?
 

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